


Good Thing We Met Now

by daintrees



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Gallavich, Guns, Homophobic Language, M/M, Multi, Multi Chapter, New York City, PTSD, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-20
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-13 22:51:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2168235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daintrees/pseuds/daintrees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey ran away to New York with Mandy when he was fifteen after finding out that Terry was abusing her. Six years later Ian moves to the city after being honorably discharged from the army.<br/>They meet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Like the Lights On

"Ian!" Pen, his new flatmate yelled while flinging a pillow at his head. Penelope or Pen for short, had taken to Ian quickly and he got the impression that she pitied him but he couldn't deny that having a friend in this new city felt comforting.

He let the pillow smack him right in the face too engrossed in his thoughts to even acknowledge that she was there.

"Are you just gonna stare at that thing all day or are you gunna go the range?"

"Huh?" he lazily murmured coming out of his thoughts and memories.

"The gun?" she asked pointing at the shiny piece of metal resting in his palms. "Just go to the range and start shooting. It'll help you get out of your head."

"I never really thought I'd shoot a gun again. Don't even know if I want to." Ian put the gun on the coffee table in font of him and stretched his arms out causually like he wasn't contemplating his entire life in that moment. He was glad to have Pen but he was also glad that she didn't know him well enough to understand that he felt so broken.

"Well Zach said you could borrow it whenever you want. I can't believe I'm dating a gun nut. I hate guns."

"Yeah," Ian said falling back into his thoughts.

"So are we going or what" she asked impatiently while trying to untie the knots in her head phones. The second Ian mentioned that he liked to run Pen had decided that he was her new running buddy. Sometimes they'd chat while running or check out hot runners but Ian liked it when they both just listened to their own music, pretty much ignoring each other.

"I'm up. I'm up." Ian hopped to the door in a fake cheery way hoping she wouldn't catch on.

-

Mickey hated the shooting range but now that he lived in a moderately nice neighborhood there weren't many abandoned building he could find to hang out and shoot in. Plus Mandy was up his ass about safety and turning a new leaf as far as violence and guns were concerned. He had to hand it to her, he hadn't had a reason to pull a gun on somebody in the last few months, hell maybe even the last few years, but he had to stay sharp. 

The average douchebags at the range made his skin crawl and he kind of wanted to shoot all of them but when he squeezed the grip and pulled that trigger he was brought back to the South Side and nothing else existed. He was brought back to the crude smell of his house, the sting of the Chicago air in the winter, the fear, the bruises and it was comforting. All these feelings came back for him and yet he was hardly thinking about anything at all.

Before he knew it the clip was empty and he could really go for a smoke. He packed up and headed home hoping Mandy was still at work.

- 

To Mickey's disappointment Mandy was sitting comfortably on the couch in their small but nice apartment on her second piece of Pizza watching TV. He tried to close the door softly but it squeaked all the way shut.

She whipped her head towards the door. "Where the fuck have you been? Texted you like five times!"

"You sent me two texts. I was shootin'. What the fuck is it to you?"

"I thought we were gonna hang out today? You said three goddam days ago that on June 17th we would hang out and do movies and pizzas and beers."

"Well, I'm here now," Mickey said walking over to the fridge to get a beer. "And it looks like you got all that crap covered," he said motioning to the TV and pizza, "so what's the big fucking deal?"

"It's already getting late! Oh please Mickey don't act like today isn't a big deal. Don't act like every year we have to do this little dance because you don't wanna think about what today means for the two of us. This was the day, six years ago, that we got out of that house, that life. The day we were free." With that Mandy turned back towards the TV screen feeling tears edge to the surface but she kept them at bay.

"And don't make me feel like a pussy for respecting this day," she added.

He sat down at kitchen table scrunching his fingers against his eyes. He wanted to comfort his sister and tell her just how much he hated June 17th and how much he wished the day would just disappear from the calender but instead he kept quite.

After a few minutes of frigid silence, Mickey brought the six pack over to the couch and slumped down next to Mandy.

"Sorry." He said quietly handing his sister a beer. She looked at him for a moment and smiled knowing that was the best she could get out of her brother. She sipped her beer and tossed the controller onto Mickey's lap letting him know that they were cool.

Two comedies and one shitty action movie later and both Milkoviches were tipsy, high and drifting off curled up on their respective ends of their couch.

-

Ian felt drained when crawling into his bed that night. He was getting really use to mapping out the speckles and cracks on his ceiling for hours when he couldn't sleep. His new doctor promptly switched his mood stabilizers when he arrived which were taking a few weeks to normalize and the side effects during that time were becoming a bitch. The insomnia was keeping him up to all hours and while he was used to functioning on low levels of sleep, it gave him even more hours to think about how he'd left Chicago.

Finally sick of the ceiling for the night, Ian took out his phone going through the most recent texts sent from his family.

**June 6 - Fi  
Ian I'm not begging you to come home. We just want to hear from you. We miss you. All is forgiven. **

**June 8 - Lip  
quit being a douchebag and call us**

**June 10 - Debbie  
Ian I miss you so much, I... **

Ian couldn't bear to read anymore. He missed his family so much. He promised each and every one of them that he would call constantly and that he wasn't running but the second he got to the city he knew it'd been a lie. He knew his family could forgive and forget what he'd done while he was manic an depressed but he couldn't.

Ian tossed his phone across the bed and got up heading onto the fire escape out his widow. He lit a spliff and inhaled the warm comforting smoke. Weed was about the only thing that could help him edge towards sleep.

He looked out over the streets of New York and listened to the hustle and bustle that never slept. He watched the people and the lights comforted that in the deadest of night this city was still vibrantly alive.

It occurred to Ian that he may not have come to New York for the right reasons but he felt like someone in this messy beautiful city was waiting for him. That someone was waiting for him on one of these streets and he was waiting too, hungrily, for them to wake him up again.


	2. I'll Meet You Soon

When Mickey and Mandy moved to the city they had nothing. They lived on the streets for weeks and maybe it would have bothered or shamed a different set of kids, but it was warm out and although they had no money, no home, no food, they did have an excessive amount of weapons that immediately signaled to others that the Milkovich brother and sister were not to be fucked with.

After weeks of scamming and odd jobs they were stable enough to have meals everyday sometimes rotating through some of the local shelters.

They felt no fear. The fear some might get from wondering where your next meal was coming from was the usual for a South Side kid. But for Mickey and Mandy, their true, crippling, exhausting, fear of their monstrous father was far away, what felt like worlds away. Both kids would have taken being hungry over hearing their father's drunken voice thundering through their house, protected only by their flimsy lockless doors any day.

Both siblings had taken to selling cheap drugs on the street. Aside from their usual cracked-out clientele, they'd taken to asking just about anyone on the street if they wanted to buy "top shelf coke" or really any other drug these strangers might want. While most of the 20 somethings would chuckle and walk away, Mickey and Mandy always got a good laugh out of any older women that crossed their paths. Almost every time, these grannies would look at the teens with either horror or disgust and while it slightly bothered them at first, now they both got a great laugh at it each and every time. So naturally they made a game out of it.

"Three smokes says she buys," Mandy said jokingly knowing they really had a shared supply of cigarettes. The siblings watched a white haired woman dig a tissue out of her purse and shift her eyes away from them as she approached the block they were on.

Mickey shook his head, "Bitch please. More likely she gets so scared she pulls out a knitting needle and stabs your ass."

"Whatever, I'm trying anyway," Mandy confidently proclaimed pulling the supply bag from Mickey's hands. "Excuse me, ma'am." Mandy moved slightly in font of the woman trying not to be too intimidating. "Would you be interested in some..." Before Mandy even had a chance to finish the woman put her hands up signaling for Mandy to stop talking and she tried quickly to turn sideways and pass Mandy without touching her. "It's great stuff! Really!" Mandy tried to walk sideways along with the woman but she sped up and took off down the next block.

Mandy rolled her eyes before turning around to look at Mickey. She could hear him laughing at her. She joined her brother leaning on the concrete wall of the building next to the side walk and tried to ignore him.

"Oh ma'am," Mickey said mockingly, "please buy my drugs ma'am"

"Shut it assface. I don't see you selling today. Lazy fuck."

-

Three days later Mandy was flying solo. She realized very quickly that she made more sales when her shit-talking brother wasn't with her. Horny boys were much more likely to buy from her and surprisingly, many of the little old ladies that turned their noses up at the duo tossed money at Mandy with their pity eyes when she was alone, refusing the drugs obviously.

Although the money was better when they separated, Mandy disdained being apart from Mickey for too long. Somewhere along their journey together,maybe before they even left Illinois, Mandy began relying on Mickey for just about everything and she could tell that he felt the same way. She needed him for the stability but most of all, she needed Mickey to be by her side swearing up a storm and making her laugh. If her dumbass brother wasn't there to laugh with her then her world became a much darker place.

Mandy was good at working people on the streets. She pulled out the intimidation on the weak ones and the sad eyes on the sympathetic ones. She always had one eye out for anyone that walked like a cop and had her baton at the ready for any guy who thought he was entitled to touch her.

On this particular August day Mandy was feeling aggressive. 

'I don't use drugs." The women said. She was pretty, early thirties, skinny and wearing a casual yet professional looking outfit.

"Maybe a friend does? I won't fucking wrap it for you but I can knock down the price some if it's a gift." Mandy could tell by looking at the woman that she was definitely not interested in buying but the woman looked curious which made Mandy curious.

"You tried to sell to me last week."

"Yeah well people change their minds all the goddam time."

"How old are you?" The woman asked. Mandy studied her face and couldn't find the usual ounce of pity, only interest and maybe some understanding.

"What's it to you?" Mandy said suddenly feeling hesitant.

The woman laughed and looked down at her watch. "My name is Jamie. Wanna get some lunch and have a chat?"

Mandy shift her eyes away from Jamie. "You know I really can't, I have business meetings all day," she said in a flat sarcastic tone.

Jamie smiled, "free meal? Maybe you even get something more out of it."

"I don't hook," Mandy said with a snarl.

"Do I look like a pimp?" Jamie asked half laughing while pulling up her long brown hair into a pony tail.

"Anyone propositioning young girls looks like a pimp."

Jamie smiled at Mandy's toughness. "Fair. Look, I work for a LGBTQ youth services and I..."

"Do I look gay to you?"

"Not sure what gay looks like but I'm not asking you to lunch cause I thought you were gay, I'm asking because I've worked with a lot of runaways, a lot of kids that have no where else to go and are looking for a break. I might have a break for you."

Mandy looked at the honesty in her eyes and thought that maybe, just maybe, she could trust Jamie or at least get a good scam out of her.

"So are you coming or not?" Jamie said starting to walk down the block.

Mandy began following her. "My name is Mandy. Mandy Milkovich."

-

"Where the fuck have fucking been?" Mickey growled as Mandy came up behind him tussling his hair. "I've been looking for you for hours Mandy, fuck. You can't just disappear for the whole fucking day. I thought you'd been cut up into little bits and thrown in the fucking Hudson." 

"I met someone."

"Ew I don't wanna hear a fucking detail. Hope you used a condom."

"Not like that dumbshit."

"I met this woman. She's gonna give us a place to stay. Like a real house. Well, a halfway house but a house none the less. And it's like a nice house, she took me to it." Mandy was clearly giddy at the promise of a home.

"What, just out of the kindness of her heart?"

"Pretty much. I mean we've got to obey the house rules and all that. No drugs or any other illegal shit that we like to do. And she can get us stable jobs. They only take in like 5 teens at a time and this is our break Mickey!"

"Whatever," Mickey said flatly lighting up a cigarette.

"Hey," Mandy pulled at her brothers arm to get his attention. "I'm not going with out you."

"I said whatever didn't I." 

-

Ian promised Lip that when he got to New York he would stop stripping but after only three days of job searching he realized that it was just another promise he couldn't keep. Ian landed a great job at one of the hottest gay bars in Manhattan and while most of his job entailed making drinks, he did strip down to booty shorts often enough.

"What can I get you?" Ian asked with his usual big smile and inviting eyes.

"I bet all sorts of things," said a man pushing forty, gliding a hundred dollar bill between his fingers.

"Well big guy, all I'm offering right now is the devil's brew so what will it be?" 

The man smiled, "well then, tequila, four shots."

"You got it," Ian said turning towards the shelves of liquor, never dropping his smile.

-

Ian was exhausted by the time his shift was over. Working a double shift on little to no sleep while having to constantly sweat happiness resulted in Ian practically falling asleep on his way out of the bar.

As usual, a group of late nighters were smoking and flirting outside the bar and it wasn't unusual for one of them to be waiting to hit on one of the bar tenders.

"Hey red!" Ian wasn't totally surprised to see the guy eying him from earlier standing outside. "A group of us were thinking about taking this party back to my place. Any interest?" By the time the last words slipped out of the man's mouth he was standing far too close to Ian, placing his hands on Ian's hips.

"Sorry bud," Ian said hastily pushing the man's hands away. "I'm actually headed home for the night." Ian turned, and began walking down the block.

"Wait, wait, wait," the man said pulling on the back of Ian's jacket. "I wanna have fun tonight. Don't you wanna have fun?" He pulled Ian close and whispered in his ear,"I wanna fuck you," while licking the side of Ian's face.

Ian felt so deeply disgusted. He could feel the slobber of the drunk man's tongue against his cheek and his hard-on against his thigh. For a moment, Ian didn't stop him. He felt the familiarity of being used and couldn't push him off right away.

The man pulled him even closer and put his hands up the back of Ian's shirt gliding his fingers against Ian's spine.

Ian flinched at the contact and quickly, furiously, pushed the man away. "Don't fucking touch me!" Ian roared. The man looked so shocked at the violent rejection. Ian slowly backed up and then took off running down the street towards the subway as fast as he could.

-

When Ian got home Zach and Pen were playing video games, laughing and pushing each other in a playful and sweet way.

He tried to slip in but they immediately saw him.

"Your back! Yay! Zach fucking sucks at Little Big Planet. Come play with me," Penn said, barely taking her eyes off the screen.

Ian barely acknowledged her and went to sit down at their small, circular kitchen table. He crossed his hands on the table and rested his head upon them. He didn't want to think. He couldn't drink excessively. He couldn't talk to Lip. He couldn't fuck because usually that would mean fucking the wrong person. 

"Ian!" Pen shook Ian's shoulder trying to get a reaction out of him. "Jesus fuck you are so wound," she said massaging his shoulders aggressively.

"Yeah, douchbags at the bar. You know." Ian laughed and tried to shake off his discomfort. Penny placed a beer in font of him and tussled his hair.

Zach got up from the couch and joined them at the kitchen table. "I don't know how you put up with those geriatric viagroids," Zach laughed.

"Wait, what?" Ian asked, turning towards Zach.

"Those old fucks we saw crawling all over you the time Pen made us go there. Like fuck, do they not make gay boys ages 40 and up?"

"No what did you say exactly? I'm have a major fucking deja vu right now."

"Geriatric viagroid?

"Yeah, shit, that sounds so familiar." Ian laughed to himself.

"Bet it does with where you work," Zach joked.

Ian laughed, " no really though, I'm having like two levels of deja vu right now."

"You know I read this thing," Pen chimed in, " that said that every time we have deja vu it's like our alternate selves living the same moments"

"That sounds like bullshit." Zach said pulling Pen into his lap.

"I believe it," Ian said with a knowing smile. 

"Oh god dude you are so angsty," Zach said lifting him and Pen up from the chair just enough to get his 9mm Smith & Wesson from the back of his pants. "Come on military man. It's my day off tomorrow and I wanna shoot so you are coming with me."

Ian stared at the delicate piece Zach was spinning on their kitchen table. "Okay," Ian said definitively, "I'll go."

-

Ian felt the confidence of his decision wearing the closer their cab got to the range. He could feel his palms moisten and his heart beating faster.

As Zach and Ian walked up to the door Ian hesitated.

"I'm gonna grab a smoke. I'll meet you in there." Zach nodded and headed inside, leaving him alone. Ian brought a Marlboro to his mouth and flicked his lighter. The lighter managed the faintest of sparks and died out. He tried the lighter a dozen more times rubbing his thumb raw before giving up and flinging the lighter to the ground almost hitting the man walking out of the range.

"What the fuck?" Mickey said, looking Ian square in the eyes. 

"Shit! I'm sorry. I didn't...I didn't see you." Ian said, trying to avert his eyes out of embarrassment from his outburst but quickly turned back to resume eye contact with Mickey.

"Whatever." Mickey reached into his pocket and retrieved a pack and a lighter. He lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply.

Ian, who moments before was lost in a hurricane of his own anxious thoughts was now lost in Mickey's lips as he inhaled and his fingers as he drew the cigarette away. He then, not so causally, moved his eyes down to Mickey's muscular arms, the button on his jeans and all the way down to his feet which were shifting anxiously.

"The fuck are you looking at?" Mickey barked, watching Ian carefully. 

"Nothing," Ian said slowly. He wasn't in a rush for this guy to leave. "Borrow your lighter?"

Mickey looked at the redhead. His shirt was just tight enough to see the outline of his pecks and his pants were so snug and sexy they made him a little hard. "Yeah," Mickey said burying his hand in his pocket. He pulled out a lighter and handed it to Ian, their fingers grazed for a few moments and both boys looked into each others eyes. Ian slowly slid the lighter out of Mickey's hand and brought it up to the cigarette in his mouth. 

After a long, arousing stare, neither boys wanting to blink, smoke shifting and lifting between them, Mickey turned his head abruptly and said,"later." And with that Mickey was off walking down the block.

Ian watched Mickey go, following the short strides he made and studying each movement the creases in his jeans made.

Only one thought went through his brain, _who the fuck was that. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is kind of idealistic but hell their out of the south side so fuck it.
> 
> I hope the time jumps arent too confusing.
> 
> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Find me here [ here](http://daintrees.tumblr.com/)


	3. Lets Be Subtle

"Zach can I borrow your gun today?" Ian shouted from outside the bathroom.

"Are you just gunna stare at it again? Cause my baby needs to be loved."

"I'll do right by her this time."

Ian had almost given up on the idea of shooting a gun. He realized the second he got to the range that he had no interest in being there. The only reason Ian wanted to go was for the small small chance that he might see the hot guy from the day before. 

He went a little early this time, trying to match up the time the brunette was there. To his disappointment, the only other person at the range was a middle aged man in a suit firing his gun sideways as fast as it would go. For twenty minutes Ian stood staring at his hole-less target wondering if it would be weird to disassemble and assemble Zach's gun for the third time since he'd been there.

"I think the general idea is to shoot....at the target." Mickey pointed to the paper floating at the end of Ian's lane.

"Yeah I got that." Ian smiled widely at the surprise arrival of Mickey.

Mickey pulled two pistols from his bag and set them on his small counter space. He tried to shrug off the stare the red head was giving him, focusing on the target ahead. He picked up a pistol, about to shoot. "What the fuck are you looking at? Sure as shit like to stare don't you? 

Ian couldn't knock the smile off his face. 

Ian laughed his way into an actual sentence, "It's just..have we met before? You seem really familiar." 

"Doubtful." 

"I pretty sure you were on my little league team." 

"That a Chicago accent I hear." 

"Of course!" Ian was so happy that he actually got this guy into a conversation with him and didn't really think Mickey was the rebellious brunette that pissed on first base. 

"Yeah, where about?" Mickey arched his eyebrows half expecting the ginger to be a rich bitch from the North Side. 

"South Side." 

Mickey smiled and turned back to his guns. 

"What about you?" 

"Same man." 

"Seriously? Dumb fucking luck. Maybe you really were that kid on my little league team." 

"Why would you say I was if you didn't think I was?" 

Ian laughed, "I don't know. Just wanted to talk to you." 

"That right?" Mickey blushed and immediately turned away, put on his ear muffs and began shooting ignoring the wide grin returning to Ian's face. After a few minutes lost in the sound of traveling bullets Mickey noticed silence from the booth next to him. 

"Since when is a South Side kid afraid of a little live fire. Bet your ass I've been gone longer than you." 

Ian gave him a nervous smile and picked up the gun in front of him. He held it up, pulled the slide back and shot three time without giving himself time to think. After the sounds of the shots faded Ian realized he was holding his breath. He gasped quietly, glancing quickly in Mickey's direction wondering if Mickey could tell just how nervous he was. He felt a light layer of sweat covering his body and mentally kicked himself knowing that this was definitely not the way he was going to impress the guy. He wondered if taking his shirt off would be weird.

"You alright there firecrotch?"

"Firecrotch?" Ian felt the anxiety leaving his body with the arrival of his new nickname.

Mickey looked down slightly embarrassed, and rubbed his thumb across his bottom lip. "Looks like you could go for a smoke." Mickey unloaded his weapon faster than Ian had seen from any soldier he'd met and threw his guns into his duffel bag. He headed for the door, "You comin or what?"

Ian didn't miss a beat nearly tripping out the door after Mickey. Before Ian had the time to get his pack out of his pocket, Mickey lit his own cigarette, took a drag and passed it to Ian.

"I'm Mickey by the way."

"Ian Gallagher. Got a last name Mickey." Ian passed Mickey back his cigarette.

"It's Milkovich, jesus Gallagher you want my fucking social?"

"Mickey Milkovich huh?" Ian watched Mickey carefully as he shifted his weight back and forth between his feet. Mickey caught Ian staring again, rolled his eyes and looked away to spit on the ground.

They let the silence grow around them and the heat beat down shifting closing together as they continued sharing the tobacco. 

"Army?" 

While Ian had no desire to talk about the army he really wanted to get to know this guy and weirdly he wanted this guy to know him.

"Yeah. How'd you know?" 

"You shoot like it. You've got the whole step-by-step moronic guide to pulling a trigger printed in your head."

"Wish I could forget...I uh..." Mickey could see the discomfort in Ian's eyes. "I just moved here, kinda...like a month ago. This city is like so fucking expensive. I mean Brooklyn's okay but I gotta go to Manhattan for work and it's like I'm hemorrhaging money. "

Coming off of army talk and Ian was on a long New York rant that Mickey was only half listening to. Mickey watched the grooves in Ian's lips and the glimmer in his big green eyes as he chattered away.

"Anyway," Ian passed the nearly dead cigarette to Mickey, "how do I stay afloat here?"

Mickey chuckled a bit thinking about the realization that he was actually, somewhat, financially secure. "I wasn't for a while. But, I don't know...stop eating." Mickey looked Ian up and down, "looks like you're doing that already."

"Fuck off." Ian said lightly.

"Don't worry man, you'll get a break"

"I mean, I guess I already have one. Got a place to live, a stable job."

"Where you working?"

"A bar."

'Yeah? This bar got a name?"

Ian was hesitant. He wanted Mickey so bad and yet wasn't a 100% sure that he was gay. He kept catching him staring but no one on the South Side was gay but him. He was the unlucky fuck, right? But Mickey was watching, his eyes had been circling around his body since they met, so he took a chance.

"It's called Therapy"

Mickey's eyebrows shot up.

Ian thought he saw a hint of recognition at the name and maybe even intrigue in Mickey's eyes."You know you could always stop by. Let me buy you an overpriced drink?"

"I can't...meet you...you know..." Mickey stutter and Ian half expected him to run off.

"Shit! I'm sorry. I just thought. You were looking at me like...I don't know...sorry"

"I wasn't looking at shit man."

"I get it your straight."

"I'm not." Ian's eyes shot to Mickey's and he felt somewhat pleased with himself. "I just can't...you know meet, just you and me, for drinks. I have a boyfriend."

Ian felt a little shatter in his body. _Fuck guys have boyfriends. How the fuck did you forget about that._  
They stood in silence avoiding eye contact and yet neither of them left even though the cigarette had long since gone out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Find me [here](http://daintrees.tumblr.com/)


	4. Innocent Drinks

Jamie brought Mandy into the LGBT youth scene and she made so many friends so quickly and she felt herself identify and connect to all these other teens that she met.

Jamie was a trauma counselor and kept trying to encourage both Mickey and Mandy to see someone after all that she suspected they had been through but both refused on Milkovich principle.

On one chilly November evening over a year before Mickey met Ian he'd been running security at a fundraiser where _fancy fags got together and threw money around_ Mickey had met a black haired brown eyed guy a little bit older and taller than him working his way through the h'orderves.

Mickey stared, trying to keep one eye on the door cause that was his job but found his attention transfixed on the guy guzzling down the food, something he'd been wanting to do since he'd gotten there earlier in the day. 

"Gotta get the good stuff early." The guy said, wiping his mouth and drifting to where Mickey was standing. Mickey quickly shifted back to watching the door. 

"My name's Josh." 

"Good for you." 

Josh smiled and nodded his head realizing who Mickey was. "You're Mandy's brother?" 

Mickey said yes with a raise of his eyebrows and a nod of his head. 

"Sweet girl. I work with her at the diner a few nights week." 

"Sweet?" Mickey laughed and shook his head. "Have you fucking met my sister." 

Josh laughed, "Yeah I guess that wasn't exactly the right word choice." 

The silence grew between them and Mickey became very uncomfortable. He hadn't acknowledged his sexuality since he'd gotten to the city. It was becoming clear to him by hanging out at all these functions and with all of Jamie's flamingly gay friends that, despite what his dad might have thought, being gay was okay. He still couldn't shake the feeling that being gay was still not okay for him. 

"Jamie told me about you." Josh said, leaning in a little to try and get Mickey's attention. "She said you were surly and sweet and that we may get along or something..." he trailed off by downing the rest of his wine. 

"Yeah why is that?" 

"Not sure." He said with a smile. 

After that night Mickey and Josh spent most nights together. Josh was out and proud and the sex was great. He took it slow with Mickey, he took everything slow with him and in a way, Mickey felt like things with Josh were happening at such a slow pace that he hardly realized what was happening before it'd been happening for a while. They hadn't even been together for long but Josh had a way of changing Mickey without him even knowing what to protest to. Before he knew it he was going to gay clubs and kissing on dance floors and being introduced as someones boyfriend. It didn't always feel comfortable, or right, but Mickey felt more true to himself when he was with Josh than any other time in his life. 

\-- 

Ian couldn't help but feel that when he was the saddest and putting up the best happy fake smile he could, the more unwanted attention he got. When he felt the worst guys just gravitated towards him and not innocently or kindly but in the way that signaled that they could do or have Ian any way they liked. 

On this particular night a young blond with an eyebrow piercing, on his fourth drink, was hounding Ian at the bar while he was trying to speedily grab drinks for other customers. 

"So...When do you get off? Got plans tonight?" 

"I do have plans. Sorry." Ian smiled politely while trying to snatch the tip the customer next to eyebrow piercing had left. He grabbed Ian's hand before he could pull the cash from the counter. 

"So what's your name cutie?" The man's beady eyes stared into Ian's core and he figure the guy must be on meth or something. 

An unfamiliar yet familiar voice chimed in. "His name is get the fuck out of here." Mickey barked. 

The tweaker turned slowly towards the voice and when realizing it was Mickey Milkovich he tried to back away slowly. Mickey had worked as security or a bouncer and a drug dealer at so many bars and clubs around that pretty much any consistent creep knew who he was and to stay the fuck away from him. 

Mickey stared at eyebrow piercing beginning to recognize him. "I know you, you little fucker." Mickey inched closer to him, rage in his eyes. Eyebrow piercing scooted back so fast he tripped backwards on someones ankle tipping over and hitting his head on a table. 

Mickey turned back to Ian looking very satisfied with himself. "I love when I don't even need to touch em." 

Ian beamed at Mickey making Mickey blush more than he thought was possible and he hoped the dim lighting hid the redness in his face. 

"Mike! I'm taking five!" Ian shouting across the bar. "He turned back to Mickey, "can I get you something?" 

"Whiskey." Mickey said, putting some cash down on the counter. 

Ian poured a larger drink than he normally would, took the money and slipped around the counter Mickey's drink in hand and turned to face the brunette. He handed Mickey the drink with one of the only genuine smiles he'd given all night and casually slipped the bills into Mickey's pants pocket. 

"ay what the fuck?" the redhead had only briefly touched his thigh slipping the money in, but Mickey could feel the touch through his whole body. "I'm paying for my drink firecrotch. This isn't a fucking date." 

"I know. I heard you. Can't a new friend buy a new friend a drink?" Ian couldn't stop from fucking staring and smiling like an idiot at this guy. He felt something comforting about Mickey, like home and yet not mixed with all the bad associations he had with his home now. 

"I didn't think you would come." Ian reached over the counter and grabbed a pitcher of water, pouring himself a large glass.

"Didn't have anything better to do." 

Mickey shifted uncomfortably in his seat. When he left his apartment, he told himself that he wanted to help the ginger out, introduce him to the people that got him through his "transitional" period of moving past the South Side and setting up in a new place and he would do that, but he also just wanted to see Ian again. He'd been thinking about Ian since they met and the waves of guilt hit him hard and often.

"You okay?" Ian was studying his every move.

"Fucking fine. That happen to you often?" Mickey asked trying to shift the conversation.

"Does what happen?" 

"Pff guess that's a yes. Fucking creepy trash trying touch you and use you however they like?"

Ian shrugged, "every night." Ian watched Mickey. He stared at his hairline, the gruffness of his fingers and the ferocity in his calm stare. He could still see the South Side in every inch of Mickey. Ian wanted every ounce of South Side out of him at this point, but looking at Mickey, maybe keeping bits of Chicago with him wan't such a bad thing. Maybe he could take parts of the South Side with him too.

"So how'd you get out of the South Side?" Ian asked watching Mickey rub small circles on the side of his glass. Mickey could tell that Ian wanted the long version of the story but he always figured that was Mandy's story to tell. After all, wasn't it the abuse that she had suffered that sent them running? The beatings and emotional trauma that he had suffered never crossed Mickey's mind. No matter what Jamie, Mandy or Josh said. He never thought he was the one that suffered 

"Ran like hell. Isn't that the only way you leave the South Side?"

Ian smirked and nodded in agreement. "guess so."

Ian went back to tracing the lines on Mickey's face. Mickey could feel his stare and it made his dick twitch and his face burn. He felt drunk already just staring into those green eyes which immediately prompted him to down the rest of his drink. Seconds after the whiskey had settled in Mickey's stomach Ian was on his feet about to bound around the bar to refill Mickey's drink.

"Nah Ian..." Mickey grabbed Ian's wrist protesting, realizing too late that touching the redhead was a big mistake. Ian froze at the contact and gazed at Mickey gently. Ian couldn't remember the last time he felt this way about a guy. The kind of feeling that made such an innocent touch revive parts of his body he didn't know existed. "Sit your ginger ass down," Mickey abruptly pushed Ian back to his stool and pulled his arm back before any more contact actually gave him a hard-on. "I can get my own fucking drinks." 

"Now Mick, what's the fun in having a bar tender friend if you don't get free booze?" 

It's not that Mickey protested to the free part, but letting Ian pour him more free booze with how his brain and dick felt when the ginger smiled made him feel that each sip would be a mistake. 

"I got to get goin anyway." 

"But you just got here?" Ian blurted, immediately embarrassed by the level of whine and disappointment in his voice. 

"Got people wondering where I am." Ian looked down at his fingers, picking at one of his cuticles. _the boyfriend. once again forgetting about the fucking boyfriend._

Mickey got up to leave. 

Ian quickly stood up too, grasped Mickey's pinky and ring finger lightly and softly spoke. "Will I see you again?" 

Mickey took a deep breath, leaving his fingers in Ian's palm, wishing they could stay there the whole night. "I don't know." Mickey replied honestly. 

"Give me your phone." Ian pulled on Mickey fingers and held out his other hand. 

"Why?" Mickey didn't really care and was already handing his phone over. Ian released his fingers and typed quickly into Mickeys phone. 

"Now you have my number. I know I'm being shitty and pushy, I just really want to see you again." 

"Friends." Mickey said confidently trying to reassure himself that he hadn't yet done anything wrong.

Ian nodded. "Friends."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shortness and the lateness. I'll be posting more regularly now.
> 
>    
> [ Find me](http://daintrees.tumblr.com)  
> 
> 
>  
> 
> Kudos/comments are much appreciated!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. If I Could Go Back Now, I Wouldn't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey brings Ian into his world

Ian enjoyed spontaneity, within reason. He knew that too much of it could mean that his meds weren't working, but after his military style morning routine, he liked the rest of the day to be open and free and fun.

He woke up at nine sharp every morning. He usually didn't get out of the bar until at least two so he was always functioning on not quite enough sleep but between his childhood and the army, he was use to that.

He got out of bed. Made his bed.

Brushed his teeth. Splashed his face. 

Ate a piece of toast or something small so he could take his pills without feeling nauseous or jittery for hours.

Went for a run which distance varied depending on how ambitious he was feeling that morning.

Got home and took a shower.

On this particular morning a welcome surprise dinged from his phone as he was drying off.

**Today 10:34 Unknown  
So there's this diner. A bunch of us hang out there in the mornings and...uh like all the time I guess when we're not at the bars. You should come by. There are some pretty cool people there. **

And another.

**Today 10:35 - Unknown  
This is Mickey **

 

Ian read over the text about thirty times. _Would his boyfriend be there? Was everyone gonna stare at him like a fucking stray puppy? Did Mickey tell them anything about him? What the fuck? ___

Ian typed out about three different responses only to erase each one. Mickey, watching the cloud icon appear and disappear promptly sent another text. 

**Today 10:38 - Unknown  
Don't fucking over think it Gallagher **

Ian grinned and without hesitation sent a text back. 

**Today 10:39 - Gallagher**

**Don't have anything better to do ;)**

Ian scratched at his cuticles hoping for another text. He stared at the "unknown" in his phone and quickly changed Mickey's name to Mick. 

**Today 10:50 - Mick**

**Well I guess I'm gonna do brunch or some shit. Don't have work till later. So come...or don't...whatever**

**Today 10:51 - Gallagher**

**I'll be there. Send me the address.**

An uncontrollable smile spread on Mickey's face. 

"Who's got you smiling so wide?" Josh asked rushing into the living room of their apartment looking more confused than Mickey had ever seen him. 

"No one...just...Mandy's being a dumbfuck." 

Josh continued giving him an inquisitive stare, nodded and picked up his keys from the coffee table. Mickey pocketed his phone as Josh came over to place a quick kiss on his head. 

"When do you get off? Lets go out tonight?" Josh said, barely as questions, already half way out the door. 

"Whatever," Mickey muttered after him. 

\-- 

Ian followed Mickey's directions to Daisy's diner and the neon lights on the outside drew him in like a bug. The place was bustling and full of bright colorful light. There was a long counter to one side and big booths to the other easily able to seat four on each side. The place was so peculiar, no two people looked the same and Ian immediately fell in love with it. 

A thin woman, maybe in her fifties with hair a much darker shade of red than his was roaming around the diner seeming to be at fifty places at once. The only other server that actually seemed to be working in this huge place was a beautiful girl with long black hair and bold strokes of eyeliner. 

He scanned the room looking for Mickey but he was no where to be seen. It's as if both women could sense that he was looking for something and gravitated towards him. 

The black haired girl reached him first and was about to jump into conversation when the older woman approached, waving Mandy away. 

Mandy rolled her eyes immediately. 

"Don't even try my girl. Every beautiful boy that steps into this diner ain't interested in what's between your legs." 

"Shut it you old grumpy lez. I can still try if I like." 

"I'm Mandy." She held out her hand for Ian to shake, the other holding a coffee pot. 

"Ian." He smiled so widely at her. He loved this girl already. "I'm pretty gay." 

"Yeah. I could tell before you even walked in," she laughed at herself, "hitting on you boys gives me life and lets face it, your self esteem couldn't handle it if I didn't." 

The other woman interjected, "I'm Louisa," she placed a comforting hand on Ian's back and led him to an empty stool at the counter. "Ignore this one. She's oversexed just like all you boys." Louisa sauntered over to the window to bring someone their sandwich. 

"Everyone's oversexed." Mandy shouted after her. She put a cup in front of Ian and poured coffee without asking what he wanted. 

"So who are you looking for honey?" Mandy had adopted the word "honey" from Louisa who used it constantly because she had such a hard time remember all the 20 somethings that popped in and out of her diner. 

"Ugh I bet your looking for Marco. Everyone is always looking for Marco," Mandy barked in laughter. 

"No, I'm actually looking for Mickey. Mickey Milkovich." 

Mandy froze and stared at Ian in surprise. "What do you want with that douchebag." 

Ian didn't say anything for a moment, just stared, not really sure how he was supposed to answer that. 

"Not a big Mickey fan?" Ian asked hesitantly. Louisa had returned and rejoined the conversation. 

"No honey, that's just how these Milkovich siblings show affection. If they don't swear then somethings wrong. You'll learn to love it or tolerate it," she said giving Mandy an accusatory and loving smile and she bounced out of the conversation again. 

"Your Mickey's sister?" 

"One and only. So what do you want with my brother?" Mandy's game face was on. Although people rarely came looking for Mickey anymore for violent reasons, people rarely came looking for Mickey at all, especially people she didn't already know.

"I just came to hang out...with him...I guess." 

"Wha..." 

Before she could get out her thoughts, which wouldn't have been coherent anyhow, Mickey opened the door to the diner. 

"Fucking hot as balls." He gave Ian a nod and sat down next to him. "Bitch," he said, his way of asking Mandy for some coffee. 

"Assface," she replied turning to get the pot. 

She turned back to Mickey pouring him steaming coffee. "See you found your first stray." 

"Fuck off." 

"Jamie would be so proud." 

"Again, fuck right off." 

Mandy turned pointedly away from her brother towards Ian, "can I get you something?" 

"Pancakes," Mickey interjected. 

Ian giggled a little too loud and Mandy gave him a stare like he was an idiot for thinking anything her brother did was funny. 

"I'll have the same." 

"Right," Mandy said. 

She walked away to put their order in and the two boys me each other eyes right when her back was turned. They didn't speak. It felt like an eternity and it took all of Ian's self control not to put his lips on Mickey's and his hand on his thigh. He wanted nothing more in that moment than to rub his hands all over Mickey, pull at his hair, bite at his lip, feel his skin, feel everything. He wanted to reach over and nuzzle his nose in Mickey's neck an inhale all of him.

Mickey could feel Mandy's piercing gaze hit him from across the room and he shook the charged moment away.

"Fuck, Gallagher, stop fucking lookin at me."

"Sorry. Can't help it." Ian tried to keep his gaze off of Mickey by studying the diner. It was all neons and brightness. It looked so incredibly cheap and outdated and yet the air felt homey like you could walk into this place with nothing and leave with enough. And with Louisa and Mandy serving plates of yummy food he understood why so many gravitated towards this place. It was a beacon.

"So, who's Jamie?"

"You'll meet her. She'll sort your shit out." Mickey gave a light smile thinking he was helping in some way. If anyone other than the guy he desperately wanted to fuck had said something like that Ian would have gone off like a cannon at them.

"I don't need sorting." Ian turned away from Mickey, looking around the room, looking anywhere but the brunettes face. So he couldn't see the smile that crept up on Mickey's face. Cut from the same cloth. Over the years of Jamie's heckling and Josh's constant begging Mickey to talk to them about the South Side and his father, they made Mickey feel like not talking made him weak. But looking at Ian he knew it made them strong. You only tell when the one your telling is right. It hadn't been for Mickey, all these years, it had never been right. He suddenly felt proud of himself and proud of Ian that they didn't give it up like some emotional whore. They kept that raw part of themselves to themselves. 

"You can just ignore her too. I've pretty much dissed every word she's said to me since we've met but she's still a good one to have around," Mickey added.

Ian smiled. "Can't wait to meet her then."

Minutes later Mandy came by with their pancakes and more explicitly judgmentally stares.

They both shoveled down their pancakes in record time and sat back to resume their coffee drinking. 

"Shit, I'm so full... Yo bitch take my plate. I can't look at it," Mickey hollered at Mandy who was taking someones order at the other side of the restaurant. She flipped him off and resumed talking to the table of young guys. 

Before Mickey even registered her Louisa was standing behind the counter right in front of him, pulling at his ear lightly yet efficiently. 

"Ouch what?" Mickey whined. 

"Mickey Milkovich while I love that nasty tongue of yours, you best keep your decimals down before you lose an ear. Some of these boys are sensitive." She said mockingly. 

"That's for damn sure. You blow on these faggots and they tip over." 

"No shouting swears across the diner Mickey." 

"Alright. Alright." 

Ian couldn't stop himself from giggling through the whole ordeal rewarding him a death glare from Mickey as Louisa walked away satisfied. 

"Bitch" 

"Oh please, you love her." 

"Whatever. Wanna walk this off?" 

"Yeah, lets go." 

They got up throwing cash on the table, half way out the door Mandy stopped them. 

"Hey Mick," she grabbed his shoulder and pulled him away from the door, "talk to you a sec." 

Ian took the cue and headed out the door lighting up a cigarette. 

"Who the hell is that Mickey?" 

"Uh Ian, you met him didn't you? 

"Yeah I know his fucking name. I meant, you don't actually do strays and you have a fucking boyfriend so why are you..." 

"Chill out. We're just...I don't know. Hanging out. It's innocent," Mickey said looking down at his feet. 

"Oh really. That guy...Ian is hot as balls and stares at you like he's about to suck you off in the middle of the diner." 

"Ew Mandy. Look...I don't know if it's innocent...you know what it's not innocent. I was about to feed you some bullshit about helping the guy...which... shit I'm gonna do...but...fuck I feel like such an asshole right now...but I need to know him. That what it comes down to. 

Mandy, surprised by her brother honesty took a look outside at the smoking ginger and nodded. "I'm not gonna tell you what's right or wrong or what to do. I could give fuck all about anyone else's feelings but yours." She smirked at him and gave him a light punch. 

"Mick?" 

"Yeah" 

"Just don't do anything totally fucking stupid." 

"Won't." And Mickey walked outside joining Ian on the street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda got the whole diner image stuck in my head from QAF.
> 
> My tumblr is [here](http://daintrees.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I'm really getting into this!
> 
> Thanks!!


	6. It's Fun Until the Boyfriend Arrives Part 1

Ian passed his cigarette to Mickey as he stepped out of the diner. 

"Let's get out of this fucking sun," Ian said wiping the sweat off his brow. 

"What'd you have in mind?" 

"Somewhere dark, maybe cool," he looked down and added in a low murmur, "maybe secluded." 

"I don't know." Mickey looked around at his surroundings. "We could go to the river. It's not dark but..." 

"Lets go!" Ian didn't let him finish stealing his tobacco back and speeding on in the direction of the Hudson. 

\-- 

They settled in a grassy spot. Mickey, avoiding even a second of awkwardness dug into his pocket for rolling papers readying a spliff. 

"You come prepared." 

"I'm a boy scout man." Mickey snickered at himself. 

Ian couldn't help but find anything this blunt fucker did was charming. 

They sat in silence. Mickey lit up the spliff and leaned back against the grass. He never thought he could be this relaxed with someone he just met. 

Ian leaned back on the grass too and turned his head to look towards Mickey."Your sister was definitely in my class in like middle school or something." 

"Weird." 

"Yeah, she pretty much disappeared around then. What happened?" 

"We relocated. Couldn't handle the riff raff moving into the neighborhood," Mickey answered sarcastically. 

Ian smirked, but suddenly felt a pang of nerves feeling like maybe Mickey would only share if he did first. 

"Huh. I seem to remember all the riff raff moving out just around that time." Ian jabbed Mickey in the side laughing. 

"Funny guy huh?" Mickey turned his head too, handed the spliff over and starting to feel the effects of the weed. 

"I have my moments." 

"Doubtful." 

"Oh you don't even know...yet." 

Mickey melted into his eyes. He watched the redhead take the spliff into his mouth and inhale like he was breathing for the first time. He exhaled and the smoke bellowed from his mouth. A warmth set in his eyes. 

They smoked in silence enjoying the sun rays that were beating down a bit lighter than earlier. Before he knew it, Ian found himself drifting off. 

"Shit man, if you go into REM I'm just gunna leave your ass here." 

Ian's eyes shot open, he yawned and stretched his arms over his head trying to wake up.

"Sorry. It's just weed is about the only thing that can get me to sleep these days. Guess my brain kind of associates it with sleep now." 

"What do you have PTSD or some shit?" 

Ian turned his head, looking up towards the bright sky. Mickey sensed that he touched a nerve but he didn't care. Between the sun and the weed and the weird connection they had, he knew their history's and emotions could just float in front of them without care or consequence. 

Ian couldn't meet Mickey's eyes, "guess I have that too." 

Mickey scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. 

Ian took a glimpse at Mickey to gage his reaction. He saw the confusion and repositioned his body readying himself for the story he was about to tell. He sat up, wrapping his arms around his knees and stared off into the river." 

"I always wanted to be in the army. I don't know why, guess I was a patriot, still am. I was in ROTC for years and I was trying so hard to get into West Point. My brother is a fucking genus, he helped me study and all that. Anyway, senior year came around and I didn't get in. It crushed me. Guess I had an identity crisis." 

Ian laughed sadly at his past self. "It didn't help that my mom, my bipolar mom, came crashing back into town about that time. She could tell how depressed I was and took me to a recruiting station and that was that." 

"That was that huh?" 

"Yeah well it all feels like a blur after that. Basic was a breeze and I jumped ahead in the program because of ROTC. But after like a year, I got sent to Afghanistan and things got pretty bad there. I, uh... saw some friends get hurt. God I saw some bad shit." 

He wiped his hands on his face thinking over the blur of blood and horrors. 

"It fucked me up. At first I couldn't stop bouncing around and then I crashed so hard. I couldn't get out of bed and that shit doesn't fly in the military. I mean we were in an active war zone and I couldn't get out of fucking bed." Ian laughed at himself again. 

"I barely remember what happened then. I got sent home, pumped full of drug, diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I didn't want to be on drugs at the time though, so I went to find my mom. Boy was that the worst mistake of my life." Ian felt like he'd been talking forever and suddenly wanted the story to be told and done. 

"So after a lot, a lot, of drugs and fucked up choices, I got committed and put on stable meds and finally got back to myself again. You know, as close to myself as I could. But I couldn't fucking stay in Chicago. Shit, I can't even look at my brothers and sisters after all that I did." 

"That's a shitty hand," was all Mickey said in reply sitting up too. Ian smiled. After telling that story a million times to shrinks and tearing apart every feeling he had about a time he barely remembered and Mickey could just accept and let it be what it was. 

"What?" Mickey asked, watching the smile on the redheads goofy face, "how can you be smiling after a story like..." Mickey couldn't finish his though before Ian leaned over and kissed him. 

He couldn't bring himself to push Ian away, he didn't want to. He kissed back bringing his hand up to press against the gingers face. What was sweet and delicate turned heated in seconds. The two rocked back and forth pushing and pulling each others faces trying to get closer. Mickey put his hand on Ian's knee grabbed at his jeans. Ian pushed back on Mickey hard pressing him against the grass. He straddled him and continued kissing him, their tongues intertwined, their hands running up and down each others sides. Ian slightly slid up and down Mickey's body letting their erections rub against each other. 

Mickey pulled back from the kiss to lean his head back and let out a moan. Ian kissed and bit at his neck while running his hand through the brunettes hair. 

Suddenly Mickey's phone went off and startled both boys. They stopped kissing and Mickey reached into his pocket to retrieve his phone. Ian raised himself off of Mickey a bit. It was a text from Josh. 

**Today 12:31 - Josh**

So tonight? Quest at 10? 

Mickey didn't answer and pocketed his phone again. He looked up at Ian who was still hovering over him supporting himself with his hands against the grass. 

"Shit," Mickey let out with a huge sigh. 

Ian nodded rolling off of Mickey and on to his back. He smiled weakly knowing who the text was from. 

"That him?" 

"Yeah" 

Ian half heartedly laughed looking over at Mickey, "we might've had sex right here on the glass." 

Mickey joined him in sad laughter and they both slowly became silent again. Mickey was sinking into the realization of what happened and what he wanted to happen. 

"Mickey," Ian reached his hand over and brushed his thumb against the side of his face. "I know this is hard but...I think you gotta make a decision here. I..." more than anything Ian didn't want to stop seeing Mickey but he knew what this might do to him. "I can't be anyone's mistress. I can't be used. Not after all that's happened." 

"I don't think I can leave him." Mickey finally turned to look at Ian. It hurt Mickey to see what pain that sentence caused the redhead. "I don't know. He's...I owe him." 

"Mickey, there's a reason you let this happen. Just because you owe someone doesn't mean you should stay with them out of obligation. Not if you're not happy." 

Mickey face cringed. He knew Ian was right. "I know." 

Mickey quickly stood up and Ian joined him, grabbing his hand. "When are we gonna see each other?" 

"I don't know" and he walked away leaving Ian behind watching him go. 

\-- 

Ian called in sick to work for the first time since he started and rushed home in a fury. He wanted to be understanding, he did, but he couldn't bear the thought of not being able to kiss him again. and again. and again. 

He couldn't understand how this started. He couldn't understand how he suddenly needed someone he barely knew anything about. 

He slammed open the door to his apartment and went to the cupboard taking out a bottle of tequila. He downed two shots and looks up noticing that Pen was just staring at him, eyebrows raised, looking very concerned. 

"What the hell happened to you?" 

"Nothing" He said plopping down on the seat opposite her pushing her text books aside making room for the bottle. 

"Should you even be drinking? I see you taking those pills sometimes and I don't know..." 

Ian didn't think his stomach could sink any lower today but now he suddenly felt like he was under a microscope. 

He shook it off. 

"Yeah it's fine," he lied, "those are just some stabilizers, you know, army thing." He hoped she'd just let it go. 

"Oh okay. Well then, why don't I suggest that you hold off on getting plastered in the afternoon and we do something fun? Blow off some steam and then get waisted, together, later?" 

"You know what Pen? You're really smart." 

"I know. Let me get my bag." She closed her book and bounced to her room. Ian downed another shot once she left and took a few deep breaths. _don't let anything or anyone fuck you up. you can do this. just have fun. you can have fun._ "Lets hit it." Pen grabbed Ian's hand and squeezed it pulling him out the door. 

\-- 

Mickey raced home and jumped right into the shower. He could smell Ian on his skin. He could feel his hands on his body. The cool water calmed him. 

When he got out he sat on his bed in his towel and looked over to Josh's side of the bed. _how could this be happening_

\-- 

Ian and Pen spent the late afternoon in Coney Island overdosing on sugar and nauseating rides. Pen hated roller coasters but was willing to hop on anything that would spin them round and round. 

Ian felt happy. He felt balanced with a snow cone in his hand and a friend by his side. 

\-- 

"Hey can we make a quick stop before we go back to the apartment?" Ian asked. 

"Yeah where to? 

They made their way to Daisy's diner and Ian headed inside, Pen following closely behind him. 

"How'd you find this place?" Pen asked clearly happy by what she saw. 

"A guy." 

"Ah so that's what's got you in such a bad mood. Should've guessed." 

Ian kneeled on a stool leaning over the counter waiting to get Mandy's attention. He caught her eye and smiled widely at him. 

"Hey Ian!" Mandy exclaimed. "Trading in for a better Milkovich? 

Ian smirked and awkwardly looked around. Mandy noticed his discomfort and turned to Pen. 

"I'm Mandy." 

Pen smiled at her and offered her hand, "Pen or Penny or whatever you like," she laughed awkwardly. 

Mandy smiled and turned back to Ian "So, just craving more pancakes? 

"Uh I'm actually wondering if you knew where Mickey might be tonight?" 

"Well Josh was saying that he was dragging him out tonight. I think he said he was going to Quest." 

_Fuck I can't pressure him like that. I can't pop up like a stalker and mess up their relationship._

"I'm getting off in like ten minutes and I need new partners in crime. We can go crash whatever homo shenanigans my brother is up to?" 

"I don't know if that's a good idea." Ian shrugged sheepishly. 

"I think it's a great idea!" Pen chimed in. 

"It's settled then. You two wait here, I'll bring you over some free cake and then we can go in a bit." 

Ian smiled but anxiety mounted in his head. He half thought that Mickey would punch when he saw him. 

"Ian, what's wrong?" Pen asked, when Mandy was out of earshot. 

"I just don't know what I'm doing Penelope." 

"We don't have to go." 

"I want to see him. God I really want to see him but he's with someone. I'm sure an amazing guy who isn't fucked in the head." 

"Ian you are not fucked in the head." 

"Pen you don't know what I've done. I don't deserve him. Hell, I'm going after him when he has a boyfriend. I definitely don't deserve him." 

"Ian I might be a little bias but I think you deserve everything," she put her arm on his shoulder, "and I don't care what you've done. I could give a flying fuck who you were. I care about the person I've gotten to know in the last month." 

He smiled at her and squeezed her thigh. " Thanks Pen. Don't know how I'd make in this city without you." 

A half an hour later and Mandy was finally ready to go. They walked back to Ian's apartment to get ready. Mandy stated that she would just steal something from Pen's closet. They laughed and joked the whole way there. It was clear that this threesome was written in the stars. When they giggled into the apartment, Zach was there drinking beers and watching TV with a few other guys. 

"Babe," Pen strolled over to Zach wrapping her arms around his neck from behind the couch, "wanna go gay clubbing." 

"Uh, no, that's okay." He looked visibly uncomfortable at the invitation, looking around to his other friends. They chuckled and returned to their game. 

Pen turned back to Mandy and Ian clearly embarrassed by her boyfriend. Mandy shook her head, "fuckin boys," she laughed and headed into one of the back rooms. 

"Um that's my room!" Ian shouted. 

Mandy walked out and headed to the other room. "Get your asses in here!" she shouted from Penny's room. "And bring booze!" 

Ian and Pen just stood there exchanging glances of _i love this girl_. Ian grabbed the tequila from the table and they all went into Pen and Zach's room. 

After an hour of changing and laugh and getting drunk Pen, Ian and Mandy were soused and ready to dance. Ian was so consumed by the pleasant company of the two girls that he barely remembered what was waiting for him at the club. The girls practically looked identical in black mini skirts, black boots and dark makeup. They could look like twins if it weren't for Pen's dark skin and tattoos covering her forearm. 

The two girls stood in front of Ian and asked "How do we look?" 

"I would not fuck with you," Ian laughed. Mandy smacked the back of his head lightly. 

"That means we're definitely ready" Mandy declared. "And look at you ginger! You clean up good." Ian was wearing dark blue jeans and a black t-shirt that was tight enough to see his muscles through. 

Pen grabbed the tequila bottle and jumped out the door to the kitchen, "One more shot and we'll be ready to hit the gay dance floor." 

"My dance floor is alway gay." Ian laughed already pretty drunk but feeling so good. _I wonder how much my body can handle on top of my pills. Who fucking cares. I'm happy._

They nocked back the shots with ease and left the apartment. 

\-- 

Mickey worked security for a function from 4 to 10 and went straight to the club to see Josh. He wondered how seeing his boyfriend would make him feel. _Maybe just telling him would be better. I kissed a beautiful, beautiful boy today._

He went straight for the bar ordering a whiskey before even looking for Josh. He downed it in one go and ordered a beer. He then scanned the room and headed for the counter that lined the back wall where Josh liked to hang out with his friends. He spotted Josh leaning on the table talking to Mark, a tall brunette that Mickey suspected had a thing for his boyfriend but didn't mind too much. 

They spotted him and backed away from each other slightly. 

"Mickey, my man!" Mark pulled Mickey to the counter patting his back. "How ya been man. I was just chatting up your guy here." 

"Yeah bout what?" Mickey said gruffly stepping away so Mark's hand couldn't touch him. 

"You know, gallery costs and fussy artist bullshit. Nothing a guy like you would care about." 

"Guy like me huh?" Mickey rolled his eyes. 

"Didn't mean anything by it Mick." Mark was clearly trying to get punched but Mickey found himself hardly caring enough to scrape his knuckles. 

"Don't call me Mick." 

"He only lets his sister call him that." Josh finally chimed in pulling Mickey closer by the waist. 

Mickey could hear Ian's voice in his head saying "Mick" over and over. 

"Hey," Mickey grabbed Josh's hand, "I need to talk to you," he gave Mark a threatening stare, "...a-fucking-lone if you don't mind." 

"Jeez Mickey, you don't have to be rude." Josh said, letting go of Mickey's hand. 

"Look I really don't have the patience for this. This fucker can leave so we can talk or I can just go home." Mickey knew he didn't have any right to be pissy after what he'd done that day but he really couldn't help himself. 

Josh pulled Mickey away from the counter and over to a somewhat secluded spot under the stairs that led to the second floor of the club. "What the hell? Are you okay?" Josh asked, clearly concerned. 

"I'm fine. It's just. I've had a weird day." 

"Weird how?" 

Mickey didn't know what to say. 

"I...I um... met someone." 

Josh's face dropped. Hurt spread across his face. 

"Like you met a guy?" 

"I guess...yeah. I met a guy. I don't know." 

"What, you just met him today and now it's causing you all this grief?" Josh spat in anger. 

"No," Mickey looked down at his feet, "I didn't meet him today." 

"That's who you were fucking texting wasn't it Mickey?" Josh didn't swear often but when he did it came with all the venom of the world, unlike the Milkovich version of swearing. 

Mickey remained silent, avoiding eye contact. Josh spotted a dark spot on Mickey's neck. 

"Did you fuck Mickey?" his voice turned to a yell, "You've got a fucking hickey on your neck! Did he put your fucking dick in his mouth?!" 

"No," Mickey said plainly, putting his hand on his neck even though he had no idea where the hickey was. 

Josh shook his head, "So what are you fucking saying here? What do you want me to fucking say right now?" 

"I don't know" Mickey looked from Josh's hurt eyes to the dance floor full of happy bubbly guys drunk off their asses without a care in the world. Suddenly he notice his sister downing a shot at the bar. Then he noticed Ian downing a shot right next to her. _what the fuck is he doing here_

"Shit." Mickey said, "Mandy's here." 

Josh scanned the room and spotted Mandy as well. 

"Well we better go over. I'd rather be with her right now than you..." Josh darted through the crowd. 

"Shit" Mickey muttered wondering if it'd be awful if he just left. 

When Mickey got to Mandy and Ian the introductions were well under way. 

Mandy swayed a little and held onto Ian's arm, "Oh and this is my shithead brother Mickey. Mickey, this is Penny, Ian's flatmate." Mickey wasn't even surprised that Ian and Mandy got so close so fast. 

"How do you guys know each other?" Josh asked all smiles, unaware that Ian was the one Mickey was referring to earlier. Mickey bit at his lip nervously and shared a small stare with Ian. Luckily Mandy was all over it. 

"Ian was one of the lost souls coming into the diner. I just met him today but I fucking love this kid." Mandy tussled Ian's hair. Ian smiled brightly at her and Mickey couldn't help but watch the beautiful happiness on his face. Josh caught him staring. 

"Oh and this beautiful girl," Mandy continued in her drunkness, pulling Penny closer, "is my bro." 

They all laughed hysterically at drunk Mandy. 

"Another round on me!" Pen shouted, turning to catch the bar tender's eye. 

" I think you guys have had enough." Josh chuckled. 

"I sure as shit haven't," Mickey mutter. Ian tried to study Mickey's face. 

"And what the hell should you be drinking about right now? That you couldn't get the twink to go all the way?" Josh spat. 

Ian's mouth dropped open at the realization that Mickey had spilled. _but how much?_

"Wow what's going on you two?" Mandy asked, still kind of giggling. Ian got the impression that Mandy didn't completely like Josh. 

"Nothing. Butt out bitch," Mickey snapped, "lets go home." 

Mickey saying that sent pains through Ian's heart. _they lived together_

"What the hell is going on guys?" Mandy asked. Ian couldn't be sure but he thought he saw Mandy send a small smile his way. 

Mickey had never seen Josh like this. He was getting fidgety and looked like he was about to burst. Josh's eyes landed on Mandy. "You know who it is don't you?" he directed at Mandy. 

"Who who is? 

Mickey grabbed Josh's shoulder, "Not here. Lets go Josh." Josh's agitation was visibly rising. He was cracking as the seems. Josh turned to Mickey, "tell me who it is." He grabbed Mickey's shirt forcefully and Mandy immediately intervened out of instinct. 

"Chill the fuck out. Take your hands off of him," Mandy said, calmly but forcefully. When Josh didn't let go Mandy grasped his shoulder and pushed him against the bar. 

"Get the fuck off of me you skanky trash!" Josh yelled. 

Mandy stepped back, hurt and shocked by what Josh had said. Mickey just stood there. Half of him was confused, half of him wanted to bash Josh's skull in. No one talked to Mandy like that. 

It was Ian that stepped forward, "What the fuck did you just say to her?" Ian inched closer to Josh ready to break his nose. Mickey, finally snapping out of his head put a hand across Ian's chest stopping him from getting closer to Josh. 

Josh looked from Mickey to Ian and then back again. "You've got to be kidding me? Him?" He looked Ian up and down with disgust and then moved closer to Ian. He stood right in front of Ian and snarled in his face. "Really? This piece of trash?" Ian was a bit shorter than Josh but didn't blink or budge, he knew he could take him and more that anything he wanted to break this guy's face. 

Mickey pulled Josh away from Ian, "what the hell man? Nothing happened. Stop being a fucking dick." _nothing happened. what a lie_

Josh rolled his eyes and wriggled out of Mickey grip, "whatever, don't come home tonight." 

Josh turned around to leave, "Hey," Mickey called to him," Josh stopped only to roll his eyes again. 

"What Mickey." 

"You talk to my sister like that again and I will break your fucking face, you hear me?" 

Josh nodded. "It was low. Tell Mandy I'm sorry." 

"Tell her yourself," Mickey snarled, turning his back and returning to Ian and Mandy. 

They all watched him go. 

Pen suddenly exclaimed, "Well, he's a peach!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a roll for me guys!
> 
> I'm a little tipsy, so sorry for any mistakes!
> 
>  [ You know the drill](http://daintrees.tumblr.com/)


	7. It's Fun Until the Boyfriend Arrives Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm connecting these two chapters because the night definitely isn't over.

The four were silent and awkwardly tried to recover from Josh's departure. 

Ian looked at Mickey, "Shit Mickey. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. It's just, I wanted to see you and then I went to Mandy and we just sorta ended up here. I didn't mean to fuck things up for you."

Mickey looked puzzled, "You didn't do anything wrong Gallagher."

Five shots arrived at the counter and Pen handed them out. They downed their shots quickly and placed them on the counter next to Josh's remaining shot.

"Here," Pen picked up the shot and handed it to Mickey, "I think you could use this the most."

Mickey stayed quiet and tossed it back.

"Well," Mandy laughed, "this is weird. I still need to dance before this night is over. Penny?" Pen nodded and they joined hands skipping off to the dance floor. 

Mickey was staring off into space. _closeted south sider turned flaming homo caught between two guys that actually wanted to be with him?_ Mickey was struck by the situation and suddenly felt the need to take a giant step back from both Ian and Josh. _He didn't do boyfriends. And yet he had been. he didn't do closeness and drama. what the hell happened over the last year. why the fuck did he feel so claustrophobic. Holy shit this what a heart attack feels like._

Mickey didn't even noticed that Ian had gotten them both beers and was handing one to him. 

Ian could see Mickey's gears and anxieties mounting. "Mickey," Ian put down his drink and put his palm against Mickey's face, "hey, look at me." 

Mickey couldn't move and he wasn't sure whether he was going to throw up or faint in that moment. 

"Mickey!" Ian smacked his face causing Mickey to jump in surprise. 

"Shit. Shit." Mickey started hyperventilating, "Shit. Shit." 

"Whoa, Mickey, breath," Ian took the beer from Mickey's hand, "sit down," Ian pushed Mickey towards a stool and placed a hand on his back moving it back and forth gently. 

Mickey calmed slightly but was still having trouble breathing. 

"We gotta get you out of here. I'll go get the girls." 

"No!" Mickey pleaded. Mickey already felt like a pussy for letting Ian see him like this, he couldn't handle the stares of his sister and a girl he hardly knew. 

"Okay," Ian looked around, not knowing quite what to do, "let me... let me just go tell them that we're leaving. Just sit here, okay?" 

Mickey nodded and stared intensely at his hands still trying to get his breathing back to normal. 

Ian picked up the two beers and headed through the dancing crowd. He found them grinding together and laughing in the center of the floor. 

"Hey!" Ian handed each of them a beer and leaned in to whisper in Mandy's ear,"we're gonna go for a walk." 

"Okay. Is he okay?" 

"I think he will be." He touched Mandy's back comfortingly and left the dance floor to rejoin Mickey. 

He found the stool Mickey was sitting on empty. Panicked struck though his body and he raced outside. Mickey was leaning against the side of the building staring at his feet, smoking.

Mickey looked up at Ian as he approached, "I think I need to walk for a while. Alone." 

"Okay." 

Mickey was grateful. Grateful to Ian that he could put his feelings aside to give Mickey space. Grateful that he didn't push. Grateful that he reminded Mickey of his true self. A self that was rough and unforgiving and raw, but honest. 

"Could you just tell me one thing?" Ian asked, starting to walk down the block with Mickey beside him. 

"What?" Mickey's tone was fragile and sad. 

"What did you mean earlier when you said that you owed Josh? Why do you think that?" 

Mickey sighed and took a deep breath, "When I got here, I was kind of in survival mode. Living day to day. It was hard but way better than being home. Jamie dragged us into all this LGBT bullshit and I still couldn't admit that I was gay. It wasn't until Josh, shit just a little over a year ago, that I could let myself be a fucking homo. But, looking back on it now, it just fucking feels like I didn't know what to be, who to be, and I let Josh just mold me into the faggy reformed boyfriend that he wanted. And it's just not who I fucking am. He's sheltered and, yeah, he's been roughed up a few times, but he doesn't know blood, he doesn't know how bad it can get." 

"Mickey," Ian put a hand on Mickey's hip which caused Mickey to stop, close his eyes and bite his lip slightly. They gravitated towards each other, standing so close they could feel each others breath. "I get it. And I'm not just saying that. I get trying to get over the past by becoming something different and then waking up and not recognizing who you are. But this," Ian slid his hand along Mickey's hairline, "what you've become, a boyfriend, it's not the worst thing," Ian chuckled, "hell you didn't end up on the stripper pole so you're doing better than me." 

Mickey raised his eyebrows and they both chuckled, still holding each other close. 

"But Mick, I think you already made a decision about Josh. And I don't know where that leaves us, but I want to be with you. I know that sounds weird cause we pretty much just met but it's true. And I know that I'm not the most stable person..." Mickey started shaking his head signaling Ian to stop what he was saying, "let me finish! I know I don't have my life together but you're like the only person I've met in...fuck... years that doesn't make me feel like shit about who I am. So I want to be with you. I know you have to figure some shit out, but when you do, you know where to find me." 

Ian inhaled deeply trying to remember Mickey's scent before breaking the contact. He slowly moved away and headed down the block. Mickey let out a huge sigh but couldn't help smiling just a little at Ian Gallagher. 

Ian popped back a second later, "I just realized, you don't know where to find me." He took Mickey's hand and scribbled down an address. "Okay. Bye." Ian turned around grinning and once again headed down the block. 

Mickey called after him, "You're a fucking dork Gallagher!" 

Ian turned, still walking, and gave Mickey a wink. 

Mickey walked for an hour that night before stumbling into Mandy's apartment and collapsing on her couch. He couldn't fall asleep right away thinking over and over about what he would say to Josh and how the fuck he'd gotten to where he was. But as his mind slowed and his eyes drooped his thoughts filled with red hair and green eyes, with the way Ian smelled and the touch of his hands gripping his hips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this foursome.
> 
>  I'd really appreciate feedback/comments/kudos
> 
> [ me](http://daintrees.tumblr.com/)


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